So often I’m told how “lucky” I am to live where most people spend their life savings to vacation for a week. I roll my eyes every time I hear that because living in this place has not been an easy transition for more reasons than one. For starters, I never realized how convenient everything in my hometown was — an abundance of restaurants, the gym, STARBUCKS (hello, here you literally have to get on the freeway to get to Starbucks and the closest Target is 14 miles away). This bothered me the most at first, then I realized that driving in the car is just more time I get to spend with the Lord or Gauge if he is lucky enough to be driving me around (wink wink).
Fast forward to December 2017 and I found myself in a major funk. I moped around, I wasn’t eating well (although I blame most of that on this strange pregnancy), and I just felt ick; mentally and physically. At this time the sun wasn’t shining as bright and there had been more cloudy days than sunny days; something this AZ girl is not used to. I remember longing for stormy days growing up in Arizona; oh how times have changed.
On a rare sunny day a few weeks ago I sat in the back yard with my tanning oil on & my feet up on the table; it was a real hoot, I must admit and I could just feel myself being judged by all of the neighbors surrounding us in their two story homes, BUT HEY THE SUN WAS OUT SO I WAS OUT!
I have been reading Bekah Jane Pogue’s book Choosing Real and on that very sunny Wednesday as I sat in the middle of our back yard, I was convicted. In this particular chapter, she talked about living on purpose and celebrating the life that is mine no matter the season or the circumstance.
For months I was letting myself believe that my life wasn’t good enough or “epic enough” to make a difference anywhere or to anyone and let me tell ya, that brought me down. I came to realize that the storm clouds that had been filling the Hawaii skies for what seemed like an eternity resembled my heart and my mind. I felt down and useless but couldn’t put into words what was making me feel this way. I blame it on a lack of sunshine and even more so on a lack of diligent time spent with Jesus.
I was reminded in my reading that faith is built in volume and not through events or in my case, weather. Bekah writes “God is using every drop — whether from rain or tears or sparkly paper being thrown in celebration — to urge us to keep going, keep giving, keep living in today.” I closed the book and began to sob, praying that somehow Jesus would forgive my lack of enthusiasm toward this beautiful life He has blessed me with and that my husband would be able to forgive how I know I made him feel. I am in fact living my best life right here, with the best husband, in a place that is unfathomably beautiful, rain or shine.
I’ve taken a step back and now more than ever I am learning to treasure the smallest of moments. Every smile, every little kiss, every wave, every laugh, every car ride, every (not-so-little) movement I feel in my tummy, every living room floor dinner. I have soaked up every second of every day, making it meaningful the best way I know how and praising Jesus for pulling me out of the funk and for giving me all of these days.
#throwback to our first hike on the island. 1,500 steps to the most incredible view (and you automatically deserve an entire pizza to yourself afterwards).
I encourage you friends, wherever you are, whatever season of life you are in, YOU matter, your life matters and with everyday and every situation, Jesus is using you to make a difference. He has you exactly where He wants you, so embrace this life that is yours… I promise it is a whole heck of a lot more fun to find joy in the littlest things than to sulk in the lack of “epicness”.